Amazing Spider-Man #34 – #38 (1966)

Welcome back, true believers! Okay so the other day this happened in the spideycomicsverse and it reminded me to kick this little project back into gear.

So! Last post we met Harry for the very first time and he was, to be honest, incredibly meh. But only SO FAR! Because the man who would end up being the Big Bad of the Spiderverse is coming and Harry just so happens to be his son and heir.

But before any of that takes place, here’s ASM #34, in which Harry continues to be Flash Thompson’s rather uninteresting henchman.

PETER: Look, I don't get it! What gives? HARRY: Do we have to spell it out for you? You're as popular here as Mao Tse-Tung! STUDENT: You tell 'im, Harry boy!

In case you’re wondering who Mao Tse-Tung is, that would be Chairman Mao. In the year this comic was written, 1966, he started the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution. So… uh… yeah.

HARRY: You've been snubbin' us since school... walking around here like a swell-headed snob, just because you won a scholarship! Well, that's okay with us! But don't think you can become one of the crowd any time you feel like it! PETER: [Thinking] Now I get it! When I was worried about Aunt May... wrapped up in my own problems... they thought I was high-hatting them! The ol' Peter luck sure is running true to form! PETER: [Thinking] I guess I can't blame them for thinking I'm the prie crumb of the year! But, I sure don't intend to beg them for a chance to explain! Anyway, they'll get over it! Meantime, I'd better buckle down and catch up on the lab work I've missed!
HARRY: I guess we told that egg-head where to get off, eh, Gwen? GWEN: I guess so, Harry! [Thinking] But, I wonder why I feel a bit ashamed of myself! GWEN: [Thinking] After all, he has cold-shouldered all of us ever since he came to ESU! And yet... Perhaps he had a reason! Perhaps we just don't understand... PETER: [Thinking] That Gwen is a knockout! If only... Aw, what's the use? GWEN: [Thinking] But he couldn't care less! Look at him bending over those test-tubes! He doesn't even know I exist! Well, Mr Peter Parker... just you wait!

Harry thinks Peter is a snob, which is kinda weird seeing as Harry is the son of a wealthy businessman and Peter is a broke orphan. You’d think it’d be the other way around. (I suppose he means intellectual snobbery.) Geez you’d never expect them to end up with one of the most enduring friendships in all Spider-Man media would you?

On to ASM #37 and this is the VERY FIRST TIME (I think) Norman Osborn is ever named. Humble beginnings and all that.

GWEN [to Peter] Even if you are ESU's newest science scholarship whiz-kid, nobody talks to me that way.. PETER: C'mon, Gwen, simmer down! Let's bury the hatchet, huh? GWEN: [Going to slap Peter, but he blocks her] You think you can say what you want to me, and then - owww! PETER: Anyone ever tell you you're gorrrrrgeous when you're angry? FLASH: Hey! What's goin' on there! I saw that, Parker! PETER: I know, I know! Those beady, little, pig-like eyes of yours never miss a trick, Flash! FLASH: I'll make you eat those words, you puny punk!

But first we meet Gwen’s Giant Hand.

HARRY: I saw what happened, Gwen! Parker gives me a swift pain, too! GWEN: Oh, you haven't any use for anyone who's smarter than you are, Harry! Peter's never bothered you! GWEN: [Thinking] What's the matter with me? I'm actually starting to defend him! PETER: [Thinking] Boy! If unpopularity became popular, I'd be top man around here!

Original Pre-Death Gwen is almost completely forgotten but she was hella cool. In amongst all the giggle-worthy Sixties slang you get the idea that geez it must really have sucked being a female science student in that era so no wonder she’s angry all the time.

Hereeeeee’s Norman!

NARRATOR: And now, we've got a small-scale surprise for you! Remember Harry Osborn, one of Peter Parker's nastier schoolmates? HARRY: I don't get it, Dad? Why would Spider-Man try to burn down your plant? NORMAN: Don't believe everything you hear, Harry! It wasn't Spider-Man! Someone else was behind this! HARRY: But - who? NORMAN: None of your blasted business! NORMAN: [Thinking] I can't tell the kid how I cheated Professor Stromm out of his invented, and then railroaded him into jail when he began to threaten me! It has to be Stromm who's after me! HARRY: Wouldn't it be somethin' if Spider-Man is trying to work a protection racket? NORMAN: Harry, don't you ever shut up?
NARRATOR: At that moment, his nose for news twitching up a storm, jolly Jonah Jameson enters our scene... JAMESON: I was at our club when I heard the news! Don't worry, Norman - Spider-Man won't get away with this! NORMAN: We're not sure he's the one, Jonah! JAMESON: I'm sure - and J Jonah Jameson is never wrong about such things! I suppose your insurance will cover the damage, eh? NORMAN: Yes, but it looks bad! If the attacks continue, they won't renew my insurance! HARRY: We've got to do something! JAMESON: That's a smart boy you've got, Norman! I like the way he sums up a situation! He'll go far! NORMAN: He should! He should! JAMESON: Well, if there's anything I can do for a fellow club member? NORMAN: I'll call you if I need you, Jonah!

And he’s a PRICK!

Even taking the very different approved fatherhood qualities of the ’60s into account Norman’s just a kinda a dick to his son here. Of course, we’ve barely scratched the surface of that yet, we have many issues and many increasingly disturbing modern-day retcons to go.

Now, in ASM #38 we’ve got Norman being more affable to his kid, and then dressing as the guy from Breaking Bad before Breaking Bad existed.

NARRATOR: At that very moment, in another part of town... NORMAN: Thanks for the lift, Harry! HARRY: Don't mention it, pa! Can Flash and I borrow the car for the rest of the evening? NORMAN: Sure! Why not? FLASH: [Thinking] What a great guy Mr Osborn is! NARRATOR: But, a few seconds later... NORMAN [Thinking] I thought they'd never drive away! Now's my chance to make a quick change! No-one is apt to notice in this gloomy, darkened corner... There! Now, with my identity safely disguised, it's time for me to keep my little appointment!

But this is primarily about Harry so what’s going on over at the college? Well, there’s a protest it seems.

[Panel 3 narrator] And now, while we all clear out heads and try to understand what's going on here, let's quickly visit the campus at Empire State U... FLASH: Hi, gals! Wait up for us! STUDENT: Look, Gwen! It's Flash Thompson and Harry Osborn! GWEN: I know - the two charter members of the Let's Hate Peter Parker club!
FLASH: Say! Look who's over there with the marchers! HARRY: It's that light-weight, Peter Parker! Wouldn'tcha know it? GWEN: He's not with them! Look - he's leaving! PROTESTOR: C'mon, Parker- if you join our protest meeting, we'll join one of yours sometime! PROTESTOR 2: Sure! And, if you've nothing to protest, don't worry about it! That won't stop us! PETER: Forget it! PROTESTOR 3: Aww- your cousin likes Lawrence Welk! PROTESTOR 4: Gowan back to squaresville, you rosy-cheeked reactionary! PETER: [Thinking] I'd better cut out, before I give them something to protest about!
FLASH: Just as I thought, Parker - you're even too puny to carry a sign, huh? PETER: [Thinking] No matter what Flash says to me, it's hard to get mad at him! Even though he has no use for Peter Parker, he's one of Spider-Man's most loyal fans! FLASH: Don't you ever lose your temper, mop top? PETER: Sure! But not when a big zero like you tries to goad me! HARRY: I don't get it, Flash! Why didn't you take a poke at him? I would have! FLASH: Well, he's still there! Go on - be my guest! HARRY: Aww - I'd be afraid of hurting him! GWEN: [Thinking] No matter what the others say, there's something so strong - so proud about Peter Parker!

This little scene remains a complete and utter mystery to me. What are they protesting about!? Based on the dialogue given to the student protestors Stan Lee does not seem to like them? For some reason? But there were SURE AS HELL things to protest about in the ’60s so this bit just comes off as really uncomfortable and Old Man Yells At Cloud.

(This is Lawrence Welk, by the way, and I don’t know what that insult is supposed to mean either.)

Man you sure can be clueless about a lot of history via comics! (No I’m not American.)

Anyway Harry in this issue is just a regular old weaselly coward, nothing’s changed there-

NARRATOR: Behind the ivy-covered, time-hallowed walls of ESU... HARRY: Look at Parker trying to make like a scientist! My old man forgot more about science than he'll ever know! PETER: [Thinking] Seems to me I read about Osborn's father somewhere - but can't remember where! Well, what does it matter! NARRATOR: Then, the moment classes are let out- PETER: [Thinking] I've got to get off by myself and change to Spider-Man! I feel too cooped-up here! My head is spinning! I can't forget Betty Brant - Ned Leeds - that costumed muscle-man I fought before - or Aunt May and my schoolwork! GWEN: I can't help feeling sorry for Pete! I wish they'd all stop riding him!

-but things are ABOUT TO! Stuff happens next issue which shaped ALL of Spider-Man comics to come!

Want to buy this story? It’s collected in Amazing Spider-Man Masterworks Vol. 4.

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