Amazing Spider-Man #31 (1965)

I started this little archive on my old blog a while back, but now it has a blog of its own!

SO! Come back with me to 1965, a time when I was not born, and let’s take a look at Harry’s VERY FIRST appearance in Spider-Man. Pre-Gwen’s death, pre-drug addiction, pre-Norman existing even!

HARRY: Heard a lot about you, Flash! I'm Harry Osborn, and this little lady is the ex-beauty queen of Standard Hiugh, as if you couldn't tell! GWEN: The little lady has a name, Flash! It's Gwen Stacy, and I've followed your football career all through high school! FLASH: You should have let me know, Gwen! I'd have given you all the facts in person!

It’s not much to write home about. Poor ‘ol Harry. He’s not good-looking, he’s as casually sexist as most of the Sixties were, and he wears a bow tie.

But hey this is also the first appearance of one Gwen Stacy, and pretty much the first detail we learn about either of them is that they’re friends! And this friendship will last a long time, including after death. (sob) Yet they’re not actually together romantically.

GWEN: Do you think you'll be as successful with collegiate football, Flash? FLASH: With someone like you watching, I won't even need the other ten players! [Peter enters] FLASH: Oh, no! Don't tell me I have Puny Parker in this class! GWEN: Isn't he the boy who won the science scholarship to ESU? He must be brilliant! HARRY: He looks like any frosh to me! FLASH: Well, I might as well introduce you, so you can see how square a guy can be! Hey, Parker... C'mere! I wanna talk to you! GWEN: He doesn't seem to hear you!

A frosh, apparently, is just another word for “college freshman” and not something incredibly insulting like I feared.

FLASH: How about that? He ignored us! He...ignored us!!! PETER: [Thinking] The doctor said I shouldn't call the hospital until mid-morning! HARRY: Some friend you've got there, Flash! FLASH: Knock it off, Harry! That creep is no friend of mine! GWEN: He seemed nice enough! Perhaps he didn't hear you! [And, as the first class begins...] GWEN: [Thinking] He's not as husky as Flash... but he's brighter... and very attractive! PETER: [Thinking] I've got to try to forget Aunt May... and concentrate on the prof!

Doesn’t answer to a known school bully yelling “Hey c’mere?” CLEARLY they’re a HORRIBLE PERSON

[Then, between classes] STUDENT 1: There's Peter Parker! I met him at registration! A real nice guy! Hi Pete! How's it goin? PETER: [Thinking, running past] There's just time for one quick phone call! STUDENT 1: Wow! How wrong can ya be about a fella?!! What a brush-off he gave me! HARRY: It wasn't as bad as the one he gave to Flash Thompson... and Flash went all through high school with him! STUDENT 2: His scholarship must have gone to his head!

Yeesh, Harry. Lay off the guy.

[Later, in the chem lab] HARRY: [Whispering] If there's one thing Harry Osborn doesn't dig, it's a swell-head who think he's better'n anyone else! PETER: [Thinking] This is my last class today! I'll be able to see Aunt May when it's over! If I can just keep my mind on what I'm doing till then...! I've got to shut everything else out! HARRY: [Whispering] Look, I've got an idea for a gag to take him down a peg! Are you all game to try it? GWEN: [Whispering] I think we should mind our own business! STUDENT: [Whispering] Aww, don't be a pill, Gwen! Parker's been asking for it!

Man Harry is such a dick in his first appearance! He’s basically Flash 2.0. The sixties slang makes it more palatable though.

HARRY: [Whispering] It won't be anything serious! It'll be just good for a laugh, that's all! GWEN: [Whispering] I think I can see why you and Flash Thompson became friends so quickly, Harry! HARRY: [Whispering] Flash and me both hate squares! Nothing's wrong with that! Now you distract him while I do the rest, Gwen! GWEN: [Thinking] I still can't help feeling attracted to him! Well, I guess I can't back out now! [Speaking] Pete! PETER: [Thinking] Perhaps I should get Aunt May another doctor... a specialist! GWEN: Pete! Don't you hear me?
HARRY: [Whispering] This is great! He's in a world of his own! You don't even have to distract him! GWEN: Peter Parker! I asked if I could borrow your pen! PETER: Huh? Oh, sure... If you want my pen, here... take it! GWEN: [Thinking] I've never met a boy like him! He didn't even give me a glance! GWEN: [Icily] Thank you very much, Mister Parker, but I changed my mind! HARRY: [Whispering] Just keep watching! It'll happen any second now!

Okay so this is interesting because for a long time in Spider-Man canon (can’t remember if it’s still the case) the accident which turned Norman into Green Goblin was caused by a jealous, neglected Harry switching around his lab chemicals. So uh… whenever Harry is lashing out he turns to chemicals, one way or another.

HARRY to GWEN: Tell you what, doll - if it'll make you feel better, we'll invite him for a coke after class! How's that? GWEN: It's the least we can do! We had no right to get Professor Warren down on him! PETER: [Thinking] I've never made a bonehead mistake like that in an experiment before! I must have been day-dreaming! Day-dreaming, my foot! I just can't get poor Aunt May out of my mind, that's all! [Then, when the science class finally ends] STUDENT: Hey, Parker - the gang's going across the street for some sodas! How about-? PETER: Sorry, I can't! I've got to rush now! STUDENT: [Thinking] Boy! How unsocial can you be? HARRY: Well, Gwen, we tried! Got any other suggestions? GWEN: I just don't understand him, Harry!

Harry temporarily drops his mean shit for Gwen’s sake. That’s… nice I guess.

[Minutes later, outside the science hall, Gwen and Harry run into another familiar face...] FLASH: I just saw the poor man's Einstein running past me like he knew where he was goin'! What happened? Did he see a mouse? GWEN: Who knows? Maybe someone once told him he's too good for the human race! HARRY: C'mon and have a coke with us, Flash!

And so there ya go, Harry Osborn Version 1. He’s not a nice person and at this point one might think he would end up as nothing more than Flash’s henchman or a romantic rival for Gwen. But you would be wrong! VERY WRONG.

(Buckle up, there’s gonna be a LOT of comics to go through.)

Want to buy this story? It’s collected in Amazing Spider-Man Masterworks Vol. 4.

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