Pokemon Scarlet & Violet came out last week and have consumed my every waking hour ever since. But as I merrily rode my Miraidon through the fields, I got to thinking. Let’s say Harry was not a tragic villain of the Spider-Verse but instead a regular Pokemon trainer in the big wide Pokemon world. What would his team be?
I’m glad you asked!
This Pumpkin Pokemon may look cute, sort of, but it has a HORRIFYING Pokedex entry:
Eerie cries emanate from its body in the dead of night. The sounds are said to be the wails of spirits who are suffering in the afterlife.
Okay cool cool cool cool cool. Souls suffering in the afterlife you say?
As always, poor poor Harry. But perhaps a Gourgeist could help save his tormented soul, because they might not be all bad:
Large Gourgeist put on the guise of adults, taking the hands of children to lead them to the afterlife.
That’s, ur, that’s nice. Well, assuming the children were already dead, at least?! Guess they ain’t called Pocket Monsters for nothing.
I’m a little biased here because Mewtwo is one of my very favourite Pokemon. And he has something in common with Harry! Both of them were locked in a tank and experimented on!
See? And if the sequel to the original Sony Spider-Man game goes the way I think it might, with Harry warped into a weapon against his will by Norman, they might end up having even more in common.
The Lonely Pokemon! You might already know his story if you ever paid close attention to his Pokedex entry.
The skull it wears on its head is that of its dead mother. According to some, it will evolve when it comes to terms with the pain of her death.
WELL THEN. Harry would get along very with a Cubone I think.
Cubone is also SO CUTE and frankly Harry needs some cuteness to distract from the horror that is his life.
This little guy is another Pokemon who could be described as “just plain unsettling.”
Shuppet is attracted by feelings of jealousy and vindictiveness. If someone develops strong feelings of vengeance, this Pokémon will appear in a swarm and line up beneath the eaves of that person’s home.
Can’t you just imagine more and more Shuppets gathering around the Osborn house as Harry falls deeper into vengeance and rage after Norman’s death?
He looks like a goblin! And he’s green!
This Pokemon (fun fact: unlike a lot of the others it exists in only one gender, male) would be a great companion for Harry, assuming it didn’t remind him too much of his father.
Look at this cutie from the Scarlet/Violet games! He’s a ghost dog with, as you may have predicted, a tragic backstory.
It is said that a dog Pokémon that died in the wild without ever interacting with a human was reborn as this Pokémon.
This friendly Pokémon doesn’t like being alone. Pay it even the slightest bit of attention, and it will follow you forever.
Ah, just like Peter, MJ, Gwen and just about everyone in Harry’s orbit paid him one bit of attention and he followed them forever? D’awww. Adopt the dog Pokemon, Harry!
Let me know in the comments if you think I missed out a Pokemon who would be perfect for Harry! There are ONE THOUSAND AND EIGHT of them now after all.